TMI Friday: Perfume, is there anything it can't do ?

We've all been there (I assume). You've caught the eye of someone at a party, or some other social gathering, and you've felt that instant attraction. And before you know it you've both drank yourselves stupid, and blurrily stumble towards some form of sexual activity. You'll both probably regret it tomorrow, but there'll be a lot of things you'll regret tomorrow, such as those evil drinks with the umbrellas in them. As you lock together in a clumsy lustful fumble, you realise that the emergency condom you'd kept in your wallet for the past decade had finally crumbled to dust. What do you do ?

The year is 1984, Orwell's dystopia failed to materialise, but Prince was riding high in the charts and Ghostbusters was ruling the Box Office. A 20 year old woman arrived at the outpatient clinic the day after the night of passion. She and her partner had been faced with the conundrum I described above. with no condoms available, what could they do to satiate their mutual lust ?

Luckily , one of them had a perfume bottle, which they used for *ahem* stimulation. Unluckily, during the course of this stimulation, the perfume cap came loose from the rest of the perfume bottle, and became lodged in the woman's vagina. It was for this reason that the woman had to go to hospital. After taking an X-ray of the object, the physicians gave the patient some local anaesthesia, and pulled the offending object out with a speculum. Fortunately it turned out okay for the patient.

Can we just decide right now that bottles and genitalia don't go together ? 

Chapman G.W. An unusual intravaginal foreign body., Journal of the National Medical Association, PMID: 6471118