There is a certain kind of individual who dreams of retiring and opening a farm. The idea of escaping to the country, buying a small cottage and raising sheep and pigs. Oddly enough, many of these people appear to have been raised in the city, and have very little experience of mucking out a pig pen.
But the rural dream can turn into a nightmare. Especially in the case that we are about to discuss.
A 28 year old man was working with pigs. During the course of his work, he had to catch a piglet (ungreased). Pigs can actually run deceptively fast, reaching a top speed of 11 miles per hour.
So this task is difficult enough. But then we have to take into consideration that this was a baby pig, and that pig mothers can be very protective. Not only would one have to run fast enough to catch the piglet, but fast enough to escape the enraged sow that will no doubt be in hot pursuit.
Such was the fate of the subject of this paper. In the process of trying to capture a piglet, it's mother wrought the worst kin of vengeance. It clamped its jaws around his crotch.
Now I should clarify that it did not bite his penis off. Instead, it inflicted an injury known as a "Degloving ". If I were to draw you a picture, it would probably be one with an adorable snake wearing an equally adorable custom made jumper pulled off of it. Except the jumper being removed is actually human skin, and the snake is actually a writhing collection of bloody viscera.
The surgeons cleaned out the wound and realised that most of the "degloved" skin had already died. They replaced it with a skin graft from the patients thigh. The paper tells us that the patient could resume his sexual life 1 month after the operation.
We may never truly know the full story of the pig. Perhaps it broke it's bonds, and roams free in the countryside exacting traumatic revenge on nervous male adolescents. Perhaps it prowls the corridors of parliament, adding fears of literal emasculation as well as metaphorical emasculation to liberal democrats. As you read this, you may notice the quiet sensation, a warm wet breath across your nether regions, and you realise that it is standing under your desk, just waiting for you to look down so it can see your expression when it strikes.
Georgiou P., Liakopoulos P., Gamatsi E. & Komninakis E. (2001). Degloving Injury of The Penis from Pig Bite, Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery, 108 (3) 807. DOI: 10.1097/00006534-200109010-00052
How can you trust non-gardeners?
2 hours ago in The Phytophactor