- I can introduce myself as the "lu-uurve" doctor to members of the opposite gender.
- I can finally publish a book about the "Lint" diet , and have it fester on bookshelves around the country as its devotees staunchly defend it even as they succumb to rickets, scurvy and starvation.
- I can start an advice column, in which I couch my advice in impenetrable jargon to conceal its vacuity.
- I can drop my PhD into conversations, knowing that it makes me knowledgeable on all subjects, as opposed to the one I actually specialised in.
- I can now end any argument by taking a tally of people in the room with PhDs, and those without, and then cement my victory by blowing raspberry lasting not less than 3 minutes.
- I can buy a pair of glasses for the sole purpose of peering over them when talking to people. And occasionally ripping them off dramatically to let everyone know that shit just got real.
- Whenever someone utters the words "Doctor Who?", I can shout my own name really loudly and pointing at myself. Raucous applause will no doubt follow.
- I can now defuse "Doctor Doctor" jokes by simply saying "Yes, what is it?". This will always be funnier than the actual joke.
- I can line up the photos from my BSc, MSc and PhD graduations, put attack statistics under them and pretend that I am a extremely rare and esoteric pokemon, and that these were my evolutions.
- I can don a cape and mask to begin a career in super-villainy. It's the profession with the best hiring prospects in this economy.
How can you trust non-gardeners?
4 hours ago in The Phytophactor